Today – It’s only 9am and you’ve already stood out as kinda a weirdo. 

Exhibit A:

I woke up this morning to my cat Agatha licking a life-sized cloth banana full of catnip about 3 inches from my face. She was purring and having the best time. Nice but weird.

Exhibit B:

I turned on my computer to find 3 emails with the subject lines in this order:

1. Your Headshots Make You Look Old and Fat (from some photographer who thinks if he’s super mean to me I’ll trust that he wants the best for me)

2. Your Sexy AND You Know IT! (from a PR firm – an actual one with a proper website and clients and stuff – unsure what they want really except maybe they need help with proof reading. I think they must have emailed the wrong person.)

3. Dogs have more fun! (This was just a photo of my friend’s dog with a big stick but worth noting.)

Exhibit C:

Today’s LivingSocial Deal is for a ride in a Indie Style Race Car… I was hoping for the weekly Thai restaurant coupon. Darn it.

Exhibit D:

Last night, after years and years, we finally got to meet ‘The Mother‘ and this morning it kinda seems like the internet doesn’t really care all that much.

Exhibit E:

All over the news – Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy in an attempt to elude breast cancer. I have always liked Angelina Jolie. I know some people find her “icy” but I see an incredibly gorgeous person who could have gone her whole life just being pretty and enjoying her fame but instead actively dives in to do what she can and uses her notoriety to help those who have so little. She’s in a profession where women are “retired” long before their male co-stars and it can be considered acceptable for a women’s value/talent to be based completely on her looks and sex appeal. The fact she made the choice to gamble with her career instead of her life and health…  I think it’s just brave and impressive.

Then there was also a flood of Google Alerts for The Bling Ring mostly focused on Lindsay Lohan* and only tangentially mentioning the movie. Yes – I have a Google Alert for Sofia Coppola’s new movie. I also have a Google Alert for Sofia Coppola. It’s no secret I adore her work and some day she’ll go vegan and stop with her whole “I only wear vintage fur” BS and I’ll dance on our beat up old diningroom table like a Greek**. Until then I will just have to deal with loving her movies and their commentary on our vapid celebrity culture and wait till this summer to see Hermine Granger raid Paris Hilton’s closet. Le Sigh.

But then there was this: 4 emails from people requesting the recipe for the cashew spread I posted a photo of on Instagram about a week or so ago.When I posted the photo I had gotten a few requests for the recipe, so I had taken a few more photos with the intention of posting them but none of the photos really turned out that great so I filed it away under “reshoot”. Yes I have a file of recipes, like wild mushroom risotto and bagel dogs, that are pretty great recipes but the photos just didn’t do them justice. They will one day be remade and reshoot and celebrated for being the little superstars they are but sadly if I posted them now… well they’d just buried in vegan blogger limbo. Never to be shared or “liked” by anyone. I won’t lie I still worry this post will go that route but who knows – maybe it won’t. Maybe this simple spread I’ve been making since college and never thought was fancy enough to appreciated by anyone besides me and Dan – will be appreciated by someone out there that has a naked bagel and dream… and either a food processor or a Vitamix. You’ll need that.

This is the first recipe I’ve made with our Vitamix. I got at the NY Vegetarian Food Festival a few months ago. Dan uses it pretty much everyday. He’s our breakfast maker around here and thus far he’s been monopolizing this piece of kitchen technology. The other day he was telling someone that the Vitamix has improved his morning in several ways by making the smoothies faster and easier to make. I had to chime in and say that it’s also a lot quieter than the other blender and so I don’t have to wake up to what I imagine a wood chipper eating another wood chipper sounds like. But before we had this schmancy Vitamix, I made this using a food processor and it always worked just fine too.

So let’s make some already…

Smokey Cheezy Cashew Spread

1 16oz package Raw Cashews

1/3 cup Soymilk

2 teaspoons Olive Oil

1/2 teaspoon Liquid Smoke

1 1/2 teaspoons Bragg’s Liquid Amino Acids

1/3 cup Nutritional Yeast

1/4 teaspoon Crushed Black Peppercorns

1/4 teaspoon Spanish Smoked Paprika

1 clove Garlic, minced

1 teaspoon Onion Powder

1/2 teaspoon Cumin

2 teaspoons Sesame Seeds

6 Bagels to put the spread on and some vegetable toppings like Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Green Onions, Spinach… whatever!

Soak your raw Cashews overnight in enough water to completely cover them.

In the morning, drain and rinse your cashews. Toss them in your favorite food processor or blender with the remaining ingredients except obliviously the bagels and toppings and blend.

Here’s where you can get a little crazy and toss in fresh herbs or lemon juice or sun-dried tomatoes or vegan bacon bits and make your spread into something schmancier… it’s kinda your call. This recipe is good on it’s own or is a nice canvas for a personalized masterpiece of your own!

Pretty weird – but in a good way right?

* I’m pretty sure Lindsay Lohan is the Bizzaro world’s Angelina Jolie.

** Just kidding – Everyone knows Greeks don’t dance on tables. They dance with tables in their mouths. (Insert a “In Greece – You don’t dance on tables – Tables dance on you!” joke told in a terrible Greek accent here)